“You want to do what?!” My best friend, Devon, shouted via Skype. In a moment, her eyes had widened to the size of plump grapes. You’d think she had just witnessed a car crash; she was in complete shock.

Photo | Jordan Richmond, Creative Commons

“Lauren, honestly, this just doesn’t sound like you. If you can tell me that five years after the fact you’ll still be happy with your decision, then I will let this go. But if not, you need to really think this through,” she said.

Before Devon knew about my plan (the topic is irrelevant to this post), I was certain I was making the right decision. I hadn’t really thought it through, but it made sense at the time, so I went with it. However, in hearing my best friend’s aconcern face-to-face, I knew she was right about my hasty decision.

I’d fallen victim to impulse. And since I hadn’t taken time to mull things over, I was killing any chance of considering another path. I was settling for second best because it seemed like the right and simple thing to do.

Relying solely on instinct to make major life decisions is dangerous.

I’m so glad I had the nerve to talk to Devon about this situation. And now, I understand how important it is to get several different opinions before choosing any life-altering course of action. I think talking with others is sometimes the only way to make sense of what you really want. Continue Reading…

I looked up from my book, startled by the loud noise of a door opening in our community house.

Thank goodness! Someone is home! I thought.

A few minutes passed and still, there were no roommates in sight. Walking over to where the noise originated, I found the door blown open by the wind. No one was coming home. I was still

A
L
O
N
E.

Photo | Pascal Maramis, Creative Commons

I don’t get lonely very often; and when I do, I usually self-medicate by reading, whipping up a new recipe, going for a drive, or writing. But tonight was different. Being alone wasn’t something I could push away — it was my reality. Friends sent me pictures of their nights out on the town. My dad sent me pictures of the whole family at a wedding. My grandmother Facebooked “Everyone was out at the house today, except for Lauren.” All in succession.

My heart ached.

I wrote about making friends last week, but as I said before, that’s a process … not something you can force. Knowing that I had no one in the area to call who was available, I threw the blanket off my legs, put my book down, rose from the couch and went for a walk.

A few blocks into my journey, I saw a birthday party of inflatables taking place at a corner house. Children were laughing. Some parents were hugging other parents goodbye as they drop their kids off. Others stayed to watch the little ones have a good time.

Their community and experiences gave me joy.

At one point or another in life, we will all be outsiders. There will be loneliness. Hearts will ache for home. And you can click your heels all you want, but a pair of red shoes won’t magically take you there.

In these moments, there are two options: wallow in the loneliness, or, take a walk. Receive joy from the world around you by looking for beauty and community where you originally saw desolate darkness. At the end of our loneliest nights is the dawn of a new day.

I pushed the thought out of my head as quickly as it had entered. But the lie had already been expressed: None of it mattered.  

Through the airplane’s windows I could see faces — the smiles of the friends I had come to cherish over the course of a few months. I couldn’t have survived my summer in Seattle without them. I was ready to move on, but felt so wrong for having been only a momentary blip in my new friend’s lives.

I felt so insignificant. So ungrounded.

In high school, many of us had consistent friend groups: people we played sports, went to church, ate lunch, or hung out with on a regular basis. On any given day, we’d be reconnected with these relationships. Our whole world could fit within the county lines of our town.

Some stay within those county lines. Then there are those who venture out into the world, where, even though there are plenty of people around, it can become a pretty lonely and fruitless place. There is a sense of uprootedness experienced in this.

So what do we do when we feel like a wandering soul? And how are new friends made in the first place?

Regardless of the amount of time spent with a certain person, friendships matter. None of us could get by without them. The people we come in contact with are inarguably irreplaceable, unique, and deserving of our full attention. But friendship is a process. Relationships are not instantaneous — they are lifelong and involve active engagement.

Sunday marks week two of my Minneapolis affair. It’s taken a bit of time, but, instead of just passing through this part of my life, I’m trying to see each new friendship as a valued opportunity to learn more about the world and my place in it. What I’ve found is that the more people I meet and talk to, the more beautiful and big life gets.  Continue Reading…

Some things never grow old. Like singing a favorite song while driving with the windows down; watching spring’s first flowers bloom; or taking a bite of any sweet dessert. As John Keat’s once wrote: “A thing of beauty is a joy forever.”

If we believe we were beautifully and wonderfully made, why, then, as we grow older on the outside, do we let time steal our joy? As if age were something to extinguish joy — as if wrinkles and sagging skin were something to hide away?

Last week, I grabbed lunch with my gramma, who had received a hair cut earlier that day. Her hair looked fantastic, but it’s not what I love most about her. You see, my gramma is beautiful for many reasons; what captivates me most is her spirit, the way she lights up when she smiles, and the stories we share. Her spirit is full of so much joy, and for that she is eternally beautiful.

Gramma and I, March 2013

The same is true for all of us, regardless of age, appearance, or social class.
An uplifting, remarkable spirit is a joy to be surrounded by forever.

It’s guaranteed that our bodies will change over time, but our spirits will only grow old if we let them. Continue Reading…